fruit: banana
risk: low
reward: moderate
analysis: Never a bad choice, the banana is the .290 hitter of fruit. When was the last time you had a surprisingly bad banana? Never, thats when. More importantly, the banana offers the most easily interpreted warning signs in the fruit family: if its slightly green or covered in brown spots, you know youre rolling the dice. You will most likely never eat a memorable banana, but for a low-risk fruit that pays out solid dividends, you cant do better. If you dont like surprises, the banana might be the fruit for you.
fruit: apple
risk: high
reward: moderate
analysis: There are several schools of thought on the apple, so lets just examine the facts. For a good month-long stretch in the Fall, you can do no wrong with an apple. If it has no bumps or bruises and feels solid, youre good to go. But what happens after that? Suddenly the traditional warning signs break down and what was once a promising piece of fruit is a mushy disaster. There are few fruit experiences worse than the first bite of a bad apple it makes you question everything you thought you knew about fruit. Granted that a good apple is a solid fruit experience, is it really worth the risk? No, its not.
fruit: orange
risk: moderately low
reward: high
analysis: A good orange is the holy grail of fruit. Long praised for its sweetness, the orange really brings a complete game to the table. Its rind is one of the most durable in the fruit family, capable of sustaining the kind of turbulence that would simply destroy an apple or pear. While not quite banana-like in its warning signs, the worst (dry) oranges will reveal themselves before that all-important first bite. It is a true testament to the character of this fruit that many people are willing to ignore this warning sign in the hopes of a decent wedge or sweet spot. You will find no better risk/reward payout in the fruit family than the orange.
fruit: pear
risk: high
reward: high
analysis: The often ignored pear presents an interesting dilemma. On one hand, a good pear is rivaled only by the orange. On the other, a bad pear is only eclipsed by a bad apple. While a bad pear may show more easily than an apple, dont be fooled: a pear can be bad in more ways. There is nothing wrong with taking a gamble with the occasional pear, but as a daily fruit it will eventually let you down.
fruit: the berry family (blue, black, straw, etc.)
risk: high
reward: moderately high
analysis: While some might scoff at the notion of lumping these together, they share a variety of characteristics that cannot be disputed. Bad berries are disgusting they make you wince. It's time to face the facts: berries are overrated. People eat strawberries with cream and add a variety of berries to cereal. A real fruit can stand on its own. While the berry family exhibits fairly easily interpreted warning signs (mushiness, spots), it will still throw you the occasional curveball. If youre thinking about buying berries, stop and ask yourself if its really worth the risk. Its probably not.
fruit: grapes
risk: moderate
reward: high
analysis: Grapes succeed where berries fail. They are comparable in size and texture, but more durable and predictable. Even the occasional sour grape is a taste that is quickly erased by the next sweet one. A fruit with options in color and seed, the grape is a solid fruit choice. Second only to the banana in warning signals (softness), it is easy to pick good grapes. Youd think the fruit that produces wine would garner more respect, but the grape continues to be an overlooked, solid performer well worth adding to your portfolio.
fruit: plum
risk: moderate
reward: moderately high
analysis: While no one in recorded history has ever uttered the phrase wow, that was a fantastic plum, this is a fruit that delivers. Firmness and mushiness are warning signs, although a not-quite ripe plum is still edible, which is more than you can say for a lot of fruit. With a satisfyingly smooth texture and solid moistness density, the plum is a good, low-risk fruit. It scores like a less stable banana with higher dividends.
fruit: peach
risk: high
reward: high
analysis: The peach performs similarly to the pear: great when its good, terrible when its bad. While a good summer peach is one of the pinnacles of fruit experience, the first bite of bad peach is eclipsed only by that of the apple. If you can afford the possible negative fallout and diversify your fruit choices, by all means, grab a peach. But if youre on a tight budget and need a more predictable piece of fruit, go orange.
fruit: kiwi
risk: moderate
reward: moderate
analysis: Somewhat of an enigma, the jury is still out on the kiwi. A solid performer in fruit salads, the kiwi is still seen as too exotic by many in the fruit world. In fact, many a fruit expert has confessed an inability to differentiate between a good and bad kiwi. It also presents a confusing set of eating/peeling methods. You might want to hold out on the kiwi for a bit, but be sure to track its progress in the coming months.
fruit: mango
risk: moderately high
reward: high
analysis: A good mango rounds out the consensus top four positive fruit experiences, along with the orange, pear and peach, but is considerably more high-maintenance than the others. There is no conclusive proof as to the correct way to eat or serve a mango, and the absurdly large pit/thing presents an enormous set of problems. The potential for some sort of knife accident cannot be ignored, nor can the messiness factor. While fairly easy to predict in terms of quality, the purchase of a mango involves a higher commitment than any other fruit. Purchase pre-sliced when possible.
fruit: the melon family (water, honeydew, cantaloupe)
risk: moderate
reward: high
analysis: The SUVs of the fruit family, melons truly play by their own set of rules. While they do present portability issues and require solid knife-technique, melons are important in that they are the only members of the fruit family that demand multiple eaters. This social component makes the melon somewhat of a polarizing fruit: they are great for families, but depressing for singles. There is no consensus melon-predicting technique, although shaking and smelling are widely used to mixed results. Regardless, they are excellent performers in fruit salads and score high on the summer sentimentality factor. We probably all could use a little more melon in our lives.
fruit: grapefruit
risk: moderately low
reward: high
analysis: Do not let the grapefruits similarity to the orange fool you you cannot simply peel and eat this fruit. That said, the grapefruit-half turned bowl is an innovation on par with the steam engine and iPhone. A good grapefruit balances the sweet and sour, making for a highly rewarding fruit experience. Even the worst (too sour) grapefruit is nowhere near as painful as your standard bad apple or peach. In fact, the only valid grapefruit complaint is that it has brought down many a fruit salad with sourness. If you have the time to slice and scoop, the grapefruit will consistently pay out well.
fruit: pineapple
risk: high
reward: moderately high
analysis: The most dangerous member of the fruit family, you could actually kill someone with a pineapple. Although its fantastic packaging presents a myriad of options for presentation if youre entertaining, the pineapple is a very high-maintenance fruit. Its name is also confusing the pineapple looks to ride the coattails of the apple (a questionable choice), but bears no resemblance whatsoever. Nevertheless, its consistent performance (never great but never terrible) should not be overlooked. Much like the mango, unless youre ready for a major time commitment, buy it sliced.
fruit: the orange imposters (tangerine, tangelo, clementine, etc.)
risk: see orange
reward: see orange
analysis: The orange imposters perform identically to the orange because, well, they are shameless knockoffs. Fortunately the orange has taken the highroad (imitation as flattery), because there is some serious copyright infringement/intellectual property abuse here. Kudos to whatever clever marketer thought that making smaller oranges, putting them in a box and giving them a cute name like Clementine would pull the wool over peoples eyes. But why buy an imitation when you can still find the original?
