Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"

Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."



******



"What did one ghost say to another?"

"Do you believe in people?"



******



My friend has a fine watch dog.

At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.



******



******



"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"

" Please wait someone else is using it."



******



When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in

advance.



******



"Where did you get those big eyes?"

"They came with the face."



******



I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara

Falls .



******



But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the

phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.



******



It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!



******



"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."

"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."



******



"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"

"Yes if you're lucky."



******



A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with

a cloth and sells the cloth.



******



"Has there been any insanity in your family?"

"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."



******



I was thinking of becoming a doctor.

I have the handwriting for it.



******



"My wife doesn't know what she wants."

" You're lucky. My wife does."



******



We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak

to me.



******



"What do use for washing dishes?"

"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "